the naming “24V OUT” should indicate that it’s an OUTput and this this wiring does absolutely not make any sense in my opinion. While it might work to use those Outputs to provide the voltage for the Enable-Inputs (I am currently unsure if the Enable input disables the 24V Out, but I think it does not), adding an external supply to these does not make sense. Also it has to be evaluated if connecting two outputs together is allowed (load distribution etc), but that’s surely not what its intended for.
Your scheme basically has 5 supplies (24V Out 1 and 2 of two drives + the external supply), each working with or against each other - you might face issues.
→ Use the external supply, disconnect the “24V Out” ones from that schema is what it’s supposed to look like
Edit: Just had a look, the 24V Out1 and 2 share the same 24V line so connecting them is no problem. What remains is the unnecessary / invalid external supply